Mexico (Low-Budget Europe)
Welfarian
Sam's Blues
Monsters
Invasion
Holed Up in St. Louis
The Dope Song
Survival Lies
Playing In These Bars
Conversation Is Dead
Shit Eating Grin
New Fredrick Blues
The Corpse Phukker
E.D.G.
(Don't Need No I.Q. To Like) Country Music

Going south ain't got much cash (G/Em)
Going down to smoke some hash   (G/Em)
Or maybe catch a v.d. rash  (G/Em)
In Mexico don't need much cash  (G/A)

Mexico (Low Budget Europe) (G)
Buy a map (Low Budget Europe) (G)
Got the clap (Low Budget Europe) (G)
In Mexico...Low Budget Europe! (G/A)

The food it ain't the best I've et
The beef is dog or asomeones pet
Jalapeno, Picante
Don't need those taste buds anyway

Mexico (Low Budget Europe)
Foriegn food (Low Budget Europe)
Dysentary (Low Budget Europe)
In Mexico...Low Budget Europe...

The Federales they know you've got
A five, or ten, or twenty spot
Or maybe more if you get caught
Smoking Mexicali pot

Mexico (Low Budget Europe)
Civil Rights (Low Budget Europe)
In for life (Low Budget Europe)
In Mexico...Low Budget Europe...

Welfarian, standing in the line  (Em/A)
Welfarian, bleed the system dry   (Em/A)
I pay taxes, what do you do?  (G/Em)
You make babies whenever you screw (G/Em)
It won't be long 'til the well runs dry  (G/Em)
(D/Em/F#m/G/A/B/C)
So are you going to stand there with your hands out and cry?
Welfarian  (Em/A)

Welfarian, standing in the line
Welfarian, bleed the system dry
Live on food stamps, second hand clothes
Rasta pasta; spagettios
The sky is blue and the sun is high
So are you going to stand there with you hand out and cry?
Welfarian
.
Welfarian, standing in the line
Welfarian, bleed the system dry
You have papers, you have a card
The State takes care of you; life isn't to hard
Can't go to work; you are much to shy
So are you going to stand there with your hands out and cry?
Welfarian

Living in this land of opportunity  (G)
Everybody freaks out if I manage to get free  (C)
They keep me chained to the side of the house (G/D)
I'm just a dog on a leash   (… G/C/G/D)

They dangle a bone and try to get me to sit  (G)
But they'll never forgive me for the Mailman I bit  (C)
They keep me chained to the side of the house  (G/D)
I'm just a dog on a leash (…G/C/G)

     Please let me off my chain I just want to run  (B)
     There's some bitches up the block who're looking for fun (E)
     I'll terrorize the kids playing ball in the street  (A)
     I'll be home when it's time to eat  (D)

They yell at me if I lay on the couch
That fat, bearded, Jewish guy is really a grouch
They keep me chained to the side of the house
I'm just a dog on a leash

They throw stuff away that I know I could use
But if I get in the trash barrel, I end up abused
They keep me chained to the side of the house
I'm just a dog on a leash

     Please let me off my chain; I won't run away
     There's a poodle up the road who's in heat for the day
     And on my way home if I haven't been caught
     I'll take a detour and go party with Spot

     I need a flea bath now, I'm covered with bugs
     And all of this damn itching here is driving me nuts
     And being chained is worse than being in jail
     Everytime you come outside you step on my tail

When you have steak I get the bones and the fat
You treat me worse than you treat that stupid cat
You keep me chained to the side of the house
I'm just a dog on a leash
You keep me chained to the side of the house
I'm just a dog on a leash

ere are monsters in my closet  (Em/A…)
With glowing eyes and razor claws
Yes monsters in my closet
And I'm afraid to open the door
My shoes came to life and danced through the night
And my belt bit the head off my tie
My winter coat belched and began to scream
And my bowling ball opened it's eyes
There are monsters in my closet
And I'm afraid to look inside
Yes, monsters in my closet
And I'm afraid to look inside
Don't want to look inside

There are monsters underneath my bed
With thrashing tails and razor claws
Yes there are monsters underneath my bed
And I'm afraid to step on the floor
They feed on rats and dustballs
And little children in the night
They howl and growl and try to catch
A human sacrifice
There are monsters underneath my bed
And I'm afraid to step on the floor
Yes, monsters underneath my bed
And I'm afraid to step on the floor
Don't want to step on the floor

There are monsters in the attic
I hear them in the still of night
Yes monsters in the attic
And I'm afraid to turn out the light
They call my name in whispered tones
And they thump on the ceiling above
They play their crazy games with ancient bones
And they feast on skin and blood
There are monsters in the attic
And I'm afraid to turn out the light
Yes, monsters in the attic
And I'm afraid to turn out the lights
Don't make me turn out the lights

There's a car parked down the street (Em/D)
He's been watching my front door for a couple of weeks  (C/B)
There's a helicopter overhead   (Em/D)
Spying in my garden using infared  (C/D)

     It's another invasion; I'm not even safe sitting in my home  (G/D/B/Em)
     Yet another invasion; I wish they'd leave me the fuck alone  (G/D/B/Em)

Monday morning I'm at my job
I get called up to the office 'cause my hair is to long
Say they're giving me a little test
If I just fill up this bottle I can go to my desk

     It's another invasion; nothing is sacred, don't you know
     Yet another invasion; I wish they'd leave me the fuck alone

I know that they've been poking 'round the video store (G)
To see what I've been watching when I lock my door  (D)
The Cheech 'n Chong marathon is probably a probable cause  (B/Em)
And the books that I took out of the library  (G)
Will probably be the reason that they come for me  (D)
It's hard to stay on top when they keep on pasing laws (B)
The Cheech 'n Chong marathon is probably a probable cause  (B/Em)

There's a cop turning on his light
Checking me out like they do every night
I get pulled over right and left
'Cause my bumper sticker says that I follow the Dead

     It's another invasion; I'm not even safe when I'm driving home
     Yet another invasion; I wish they'd leave me the fuck alone
     It's another invasion; We're not even safe when we're driving home
     Yet another invasion; I wish they'd leave us the fuck alone

Slipped the shackles off my feet (E)
Hit the pavement running (C#m)
The Guards they didn't notice  (E)
They were sitting out there sunning  (C#m)
I could go to Canada, but it would be too far to walk (A/B)
Or I could go to Mexico, but it would be too hard to talk  (A/B)
So I'm holed up in St. Louis (E)
Made a friend who's got this place  (C#m)
She let's me drink her whiskey  (E)
And I let her ride my face  (C#m)

Saw a picture on TV
Of me without much hair
They said I was a menace
'n all the people should beware
Well I could go downtown today and just check out the scene
Or hang out in a local bar and hope I don't get seen
'cause I'm holed up in St. Louis
Made a friend who keeps me fed
She keeps me full of whiskey
And I fill her up in bed

She finally asked me what I'd done
To put me in this mess
I told her that I'd pulled the tag
Right off a brand new mattress
Well, I could turn myseld in and just deal with what's in store
Or I could keep on hiding from the long arm of the law
But I'm holed up in St. Louis
Made a friend who doesn't mind
She let's me drink her whiskey
And I keep her satisfied

 (F#)
My cable's disconnected and the phone has been shut off
The repo-men are coming for the stove
My pipe is lying empty - I've been out of dope for weeks
But still I scrape the resin from the bowl

     I've gotta get high  (B)
     I've gotta get stoned (F#)
     I've got to smoke a joint  (B)
     I need to spark a bone  (C#)

My wife done went and left, said something 'bout a friend
The kids, they all are coming down with colds
My Dealer's on vacation (somewhere on the other coast)
I'm in the ashtray looking for a roach

     I've gotta get high...

The sheriff came and told me that my car has just been found
Down in Jersey, wrapped around a pole
He smiled and he asked me: "Why didn't you turn it in?"
Well, my trunk was filled with Acapulco Gold

     I gotta get high...

The radiator's cold and the TV has been sold
The mailbox folded from the weight of bills
I got papers and a match - but I haven't got no stash
A joint is something for which I will kill

     I've got to get high
     I've got to get stoned
     Don't miss the point
     I need to smoke a joint

If you push too hard someone's gonna push back  (D/C/D)
And if you state your case then you leave yourself open to attack  (D/C/D)

So do what you want (F)
But do it on the sly (C/D)
If you're dogging in the dirt  (F)
Then point them to the sky  (C/D)
When you do the paperwork (F)
Don't hesitate to lie  (C/D)
Anything it takes is ok  (F)
If you want to survive  (C/D)

The deck is stacked against you  (Em)
There's no such thing as fair play  (C)
Don't ever let them know the truth  (Am)
Smile as you walk away  (Em)
The deviant who writes the rules  (Em)
Hides his crimes behind his law (C)
Judging over countless fools  (F)
Puffed up like he's made of straw  (D)

So keep your buisness hidden well  (D/C/D…)
Away from all the prying eyes
Show them just an outer shell
Built up with survival lies
Built up with survival
Survival Lies

If you push too hard someone's gonna push back!

We didn't play at Woodstock, never been on MTV  (G/Em…)
Been featured on the cover of no counter-culture magazine
Never gave an autograph, never rode a limosine
Never had those groupie chicks come right up front and scream

     Been playing in these bars (C)
     Every night for twenty years  (D)
     With these same old guitars  (G)
     Powered by a bunch of beers  (Em)
     So who needs to be stars  (C)
     As long as we keep playing in these bars (D/G)

Met a real producer once, but he didn't like our songs
He said "It's all been done before, and you're doing it all wrong!"
So would you turn that jukebox down? We're gonna start our set
Background for a bunch of drunks, is the best it's gonna get

     Been playing in these bars
     Every night for twenty years
     With these same old guitars
     Powered by a bunch of beers
     So who needs to be stars
     As long as we keep playing in these bars

Roadhouse, Pubs and old Saloons  (D)
Cafes, Lounges, Legion rooms  (G)
Elk's Clubs, Inns and Coffeeshops (D)
Taverns, Bars - when will it stop  (G)
Just for once it would be fun  (C)
To play in some big Stadium  (G)
With a Big Old Loud (make your ears really bleed!) P.A. (D)

     Been playing in these bars
     Every night for twenty years
     With these same old guitars
     Powered by a bunch of beers
     We're shooting for the stars
     As long as we keep playing in these bars

I had a long day  (Am/G/Am)
My boss is a prick  (Am/G/Am)
Commutings a hassle (Am/G/Am)
It's making me sick (Am/G/Am)
So SHUT UP! (D)
Can't you see I'm watching tv? (C/D/Am/G/Am)

I don't want to hear
What you did today
Leave me alone
I've got nothing to say
So SHUT UP!
Can't you see I'm watching tv?

In a kinder, gentler age  (D)
The family sat together and talked about the weather  (A)
A family in so many ways  (D)
They used to be together - for ever and ever (E)

Now conversation is dead  (E…)
Buried in the back of your head
Save what you might have said
Conversation is dead

Dinner was great dear,
Now give me a kiss
I missed you too dear
But listen to this
SHUT UP!
Can't you see I'm watching tv?

A nod and a smile
Is all that you'll get
Silence is golden
Now turn up the set
And SHUT UP!
Can't you see I'm watching tv?

Conversation died with television
"Keep your mouth shut....my show is coming on!"
Communication missing in this generation
"The easy chair is where I belong...
CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WATCHING TV?"

When morning came up the sun was gone  (G/Em)
Someone up above had made the world go wrong  (G/Em)
Just stay in bed and listen to your favorite song  (G/Em)
No one there to listen as you sing alone  (C/D…)

You thought it was so funny when the birds went wild
And the earthquakes all around you only made you smile
It really made you laugh when the insects grew
No need to get upset there's nothing you can do

     And you just sit there with your shit eating grin
     With the walls falling down and the roof caving in
     The oceans are dry and the world's in a spin
     And you don't even care about the shape it's in

You tried to make some coffee but the pot was broke
And sometime in the night your stash went up in smoke
Your dog went and exploded after you awoke
The pieces on the ceiling were another joke

     And you just sit there with your shit eating grin...

The Moon is getting closer, anyone can see
That the worlds about to end; we haven't got a week
And instead of getting ready you just watch TV
Is there something on the air that only you can see?

     And you just sit there with your shit eating grin...

You've overslept, you've lost your job
You've been bit by the family dog
The rent is late and you haven't ate
Nothing left to do but tie one on

     Drink a lot and drive fast (Drive real fast)
     Drink a lot and drive fast (Drive real fast)
     Drink a lot and drive fast
     Hit the bottle and hit the gas

Friday night and the Boys are out (The boys in blue)
License and registration have all run out (After you!)
A Heinekin and then a Guiness Stout
Another drink is what it's all about

     Drink a lot and drive fast...

A glass of gin
A little rum
Getting cocked can be so much fun
Line 'em up there
Whiskey too
Tequilla Monster gonna slam on you
A glass of wine
Another beer
Try not to spill it when you shift that gear!

     Drink a lot and drive fast...

Creeping through a graveyard on a dark and cloudy night (G/C)
Thank God I brought a shovel - gonna get some tonight   (G/D)
This plot looks freshly planted, the flowers ain't dead  (G/C)
I'm digging up a lover to bring back to my bed  (G/D/G)

With each piece of dirt that I lift from the hole
I get more excited about a body that's cold
I hope there are some maggots chewing holes through her skin
To add a little life when I stick it on in

     Gonna screw me a corpse, gonna fuck a cadaver (D/C/G)
     Can't spell necrophelia, but it don't really matter  (D/C/G)
     I never get caught and they never complain (G/C)
     I'm going back to the graveyard and do it again  (G/D/G)

I'll back-door my lover, back home in my house
There'll be remnents of a bowel, when I pull it back out
Her thang is kind of runny - no need for alarm
And her moldy grey legs just fell off in my arms

     Gonna screw me a corpse...

I hear there's been a fire - Imagine that!
Iike them well done, when the skin is all black
I'll be counting the moments 'til the funeral day
So I can dig 'em back up and cart them away

     Gonna screw me a corpse...

A bloated baby drops from a mother's fragile arm (Em/D/Em)
A famine victim lying on the sun baked ground  (Em/D/Em)
I see it on TV, but it doesn't hinder (G/D/Em)
Me pulling off the foil from my TV dinner (Em/D/Em)

     Ethiopian Dinner Guest (G/C)
     Don't wear no tie , don't wear no vest  (A/D)
     He comes a-crying to the west  (G/C)
     But dying is what he does best (A/D)

He look up to the sky, but the rain don't fall
This ten year drought bound to kill them all
Superpower triage let 'em know we care
'Cause our tourists on vacation, they don't go down there

     Ethiopian Dinner Guest...

He never drink no gin with a twist of lime
And after dinner mints would be a waste of time
Drive-thru brings your family a Big Mac and fries
While he rots in the desert covered up with flies

     Ethiopian Dinner Guest...

I ain't got no use for a library card  (G/C)
Ain't got no time for the news (G/D)
You can keep all your disco, and reggae, and jazz  (G/C)
Just gimme some of that old country blues  (G/D/G)

     Because you don't need no I.Q. to like country music
     Don't need to read or write
     So long as it's true and there's plenty of beer
     We'll be playing country music every night

It's easy to write and it's easy to play
Don't need many chords or no scales
Don't need to be loud, or to be right in tune
For those cowboys out on the trail

     Because you don't need no I.Q. to like country music...

I don't play the stock market, I don't drive no Porsche
My TV don't get PBS
My wife's not to bright and she ain't got no teeth
But she knows that country music is the best

     Oh yeah, you don't need no I.Q. to like country music...

Other folks think that you need to be smart
If you want to be happy theough life
But if your heart beats as slow as that old Tulsa time
You can be just as dumb as my wife

     Because you don't need no I.Q. to like country music...

Well, I'm pretty much through with this fine country song
I've used all the words that I know
If you know that you are stupid and you want to have some fun
Then country is the way for you to go

     Because you don't need no I.Q. to like country music...